


(No) Price Too High

by prevaricator



Category: EXO (Band), Korean Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Praise Kink, Sugar Daddy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 17:12:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9247457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prevaricator/pseuds/prevaricator
Summary: Everything about Baekhyun's situation with Joongi is perfect, except for the part where it's constantly on the verge of shattering to pieces.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU in which Joongi is a famous actor, but EXO never happened for Baekhyun, who instead is a struggling singer/actor. Their age difference remains the same as in reality. 
> 
> Warnings: Prostitution (sort of), sugar daddies, probably OOC Lee Joongi
> 
> Self-edited. All errors are 100% the fault of my cats.

Auditions suck. 

It’s only when Baekhyun enters Joongi’s apartment and shuts the comfortingly solid, expensive door that the feeling of being covered in a blanket of eyes turned inward diminishes. There was no reason for it once he was past the building’s security, given just how much money Joongi pays for his privacy, but Baekhyun’s lingering awareness of judgmental gazes from his audition had morphed into a ghost sense of judgmental gazes from Joongi’s neighbors.

Normally it doesn’t bother him that the majority of the people in the building probably suspect that he’s here on someone else’s dime. It’s true, after all. On days like today, though, a suspicion wends its way into his gut that they think he has a sugar daddy because his only marketable skills are looking cute and sucking dick. On days like today, he thinks they might be right, if that’s what they’re thinking.

But he ducks into the elevator, punching the button for the thirty-sixth floor with relief when the doors close without admitting anyone else—otherwise he’d have to push a button for the floor of the apartment rented in his own name and take the stairs, lest someone discover the _identity_ of his sugar daddy. Then he’s pressing his finger to the fingerprint scanner by the door of Joongi’s apartment and ducking inside, and the relief of being home hits him. 

The relief of being home comes with the delicious smell of onions and beef. That lifts Baekhyun’s mood another step back toward his usual bouncy self, but he still feels mostly like shit.

“Hyunnie, you’re back,” Joongi calls from the kitchen. “How did it go?”

Toeing his shoes off and hanging his coat in the closet before he shuffles quietly toward the kitchen, Baekhyun considers how to respond after his five millionth bad audition. There are only so many ways to say he fucked up.

When he rounds the corner, he’s met with the sight of Joongi in sweats and an apron, drying his hands with a dish towel. If the world could see how gorgeous the esteemed actor Lee Joongi looked in an apron and sweats, with no makeup on, it would keel over in shock, Baekhyun thinks.

Then Joongi’s arms go up in the air like he’s holding pompoms, and he pumps his fists and wiggles his hips. 

He sings, “Cheer up baby, cheer up baby,” and Baekhyun thinks most of the dead-from-shock world would be even more dead from shock at the sight of this. 

Unable to resist, Baekhyun joins in for the arm waving bit, and when Joongi mimes casting a line as the choreography dictates, Baekhyun pretends to be hooked and skitters dramatically toward him until he’s wrapped in strong arms and pulled against Joongi’s chest. There’s a giant grin on Joongi’s face, and Baekhyun can’t help the warm smile that tugs his lips in response.

If the whole world found out just how wonderful Lee Joongi was in person, Baekhyun is pretty sure it would spontaneously combust.

Framing Baekhyun’s cheeks with his hands, Joongi says, “That bad?”

Baekhyun just nods and keeps looking up at Joongi’s eyes, patiently waiting for the kiss he knows is coming. 

Only it doesn’t come and doesn’t come—Joongi just keeps _smiling at him_ , and Baekhyun is not a naturally patient person. Initiating the kiss himself wouldn’t make him feel half as adored as receiving one would, though, so he pouts up at Joongi.

Joongi’s grin gets even wider, and he traces Baekhyun’s lip with a thumb. “You’re just too damn cute.”

The urge to smile and bask in the praise is strong, but Baekhyun fights to keep the pout on his face. He wants a kiss, damn it. 

Finally, finally Joongi obliges, leaning down to close the small gap between them and give Baekhyun a peck on the lips, then another, and then he’s nibbling on Baekhyun’s bottom lip, hands settling on Baekhyun’s lower back. Stretching his arms up, Baekhyun clings to Joongi’s shoulders and grins into the kiss even as a small moan bubbles up. He’s long since gotten past his embarrassment about how quickly he gets turned on with Joongi, just like he’s long since learned that there’s no need to ask if the food Joongi’s cooking is going to burn. Joongi is both a responsible lover and a responsible cook.

Nipping at Baekhyun’s neck, Joongi walks him back through the kitchen until the backs of his thighs hit the table and starts unbuttoning his shirt. 

“Fuck, hyung,” Baekhyun says, grinning. “Are you going to fuck me on the table? Right before dinner?”

Joongi snorts. “You’re always horny, aren’t you?”

It’s a shame Joongi’s not looking at Baekhyun’s face, so Baekhyun can’t wink at him. “Are you complaining?”

Past sugar daddies have only complained about Baekhyun’s insatiability to humiliate him in bed. How he’s survived nearly two years with someone as vanilla as Joongi is a mystery he doesn’t particularly want to solve.

“Can’t I want a little romance, sometimes?” Joongi asks. He begins to unbutton Baekhyun’s shirt with steady hands, like he didn’t just lie about his intentions.

“Nope,” Baekhyun says, still grinning. “You’re a defective sugar daddy. I want a refund.”

The only response he gets for a moment is another snort as Joongi latches his lips onto Baekhyun’s collarbone, sinking his teeth in just enough to elicit a whine. Then Joongi is slipping Baekhyun’s shirt back over his shoulders and examining it, “So I guess I can take this back, then?”

By Joongi’s standards, it’s a cheap shirt, something on the low end of Calvin Klein that he’d bought when Baekhyun pleaded with him to buy something that wasn’t blatantly out of the price range of a struggling singer-slash-actor. Even on sale Baekhyun’s pretty sure it would cost more than he’d ever spend on a shirt himself, but at least when people look at him, they probably assume he has an employed girlfriend or supportive mother, not that he’s fucking someone for a living.

Pouting, Baekhyun yanks the shirt back from him. “No.”

With that, he launches it across the floor in the general direction of the hallway to the bedroom.

Joongi’s doting laugh at that takes Baekhyun’s breath away. He always looks at Baekhyun like Baekhyun could do no wrong, like a proud parent, and it overwhelms Baekhyun in all the best ways. 

Following Joongi’s guidance, Baekhyun lies back onto the table, where he tries his best not to squirm too much as Joongi leans over him and continues to mark up his collarbones. He clings to Joongi’s hair and moans out his appreciation, getting louder when Joongi palms his cock through his pants.

When his pants and underwear are summarily removed and sent in the direction of his shirt, Baekhyun starts to wonder if he really is about to be fucked on the kitchen table right before dinner. He doesn’t ask, though, lest he scare Joongi away from a truly fabulous idea.

A warm, wet tongue laves over the tip of his cock, and he jolts. “Hyung.”

“Mhmm,” Joongi says, half around Baekhyun’s cock. He runs his mouth down the underside with a series of obscene slurping noises, then wraps his hand around it and pumps when it’s slick with spit. 

Baekhyun gasps as all the blood in his body rushes south to fill his dick. Joongi just smiles and keeps up with his ministrations, putting his mouth back on Baekhyun’s dick while he jerks with his hand.

At times like this, Baekhyun struggles to remember that he’s essentially selling his services to this man. Joongi gives and gives, and even if his circumstances are different from past sugar daddies, it seems weird to Baekhyun that his primary complaint about this relationship is that he doesn’t spend as much time as he’d like with Joongi’s dick in his mouth. 

Whenever he’s down, Joongi goes out of his way to console him. When Joongi has a day off, he almost always cooks for Baekhyun. When Joongi says that Baekhyun’s smile is the best part of his day, Baekhyun can easily believe it’s because he revels in Baekhyun’s happiness, not just because Baekhyun is a pretty.

It’s more than a little heartbreaking to think that Joongi had approached him because he couldn’t sustain a real, proper relationship without ruining his career.

Right now, though, Baekhyun is happy not to think at all. Joongi pops two fingers in his mouth and sucks, watching Baekhyun through his eyelashes. Baekhyun is too mesmerized to think where this is going until one finger is pushing into him.

The burn is tiny with just one finger, but it’s still the roughest Joongi has ever been with him. He’s grown more used to being overwhelmed with sex that lasts forever than desperate, filthy sex these days. He whines and thrashes his head on the table, pulling his knees up to give Joongi easier access.

“Too much?” Joongi asks, stilling his hand.

“No,” Baekhyun gasps. “Never. More. Give me another.”

Smirking that infuriating little smirk of his, Joongi does what Baekhyun is begging him to and nudges another finger into his ass. Baekhyun whines, tries to work his body on the fingers inside him. The angle isn’t good for that, though, unless he wants to brace his feet on the table—the mere thought of which makes his skin crawl because ew, germs. He holds still instead, opts for moaning and begging to make sure Joongi knows he’s enjoying this.

Joongi pumps his fingers out and back in a few times, matching his pace with his other hand on Baekhyun’s dick. He watches Baekhyun with his mouth half open as Baekhyun whines and thrashes his head and grabs the edge of the table just to ground himself.

He wants to keep telling Joongi how good it feels, but the words disappear from his brain when Joongi finds his prostate and presses his fingers against it. All he can do with his vocal chords as his back arches off the table is make a weird chattering noise like a cat watching a bird from a window. 

After a few more presses to Baekhyun’s sweet spot, Joongi leans back down to suck Baekhyun’s cock again, and Baekhyun comes with a wail. 

He doesn’t bother to apologize as he comes down, knowing Joongi doesn’t mind getting a bit of come in his mouth. He doesn’t mind it when Baekhyun comes quickly, either. For several moments, the only sounds in the room are Baekhyun’s harsh breathing and the rumble of the refrigerator.

Eventually, Joongi offers him a hand to sit up on the table. “You really liked that.”

Baekhyun nods, sucks in a breath to answer. “I told you I like it rough. You could have fucked me like that, and I still would’ve enjoyed it.”

He never pushes, out of fear that Joongi will grow tired of him, but he’s mentioned it more than once. It’s clear by now that Joongi doesn’t have a burning desire to _be_ rough, and Baekhyun honestly doesn’t mind. 

“Think you can stand?” Joongi asks. “I should go dish up dinner before it dries out.”

Grabbing the edge of the table, Baekhyun swings his feet to the floor. He throws his arms in the air like a gymnast who’s just stuck a landing when he’s standing. “Perfect ten!”

Joongi smiles and ruffles his hair. “Go get ready for dinner. I’ll take care of the table.”

“What about you?” Baekhyun gestures at the obvious bulge in Joongi’s pants. 

“Later,” Joongi says.

As he picks up his clothes on his way to freshen up, Baekhyun has an idea. Ducking into the bedroom, he drops the clothes into the laundry basket before going to the closet to raid their toy box. 

When he saunters back into the kitchen a few minutes later wearing nothing but an oversized T-shirt, Joongi does a double take from where he’s setting out two plates and wine glasses.

“You’re going to eat dinner with no pants on?”

“Yep,” Baekhyun says. He keeps his cheerful smile on his face to hide 

his lingering self-consciousness. If it weren’t an audition day, he’d have gone for pure nudity. No matter how much he likes the way he looks, though, or how many times Joongi has praised his body for being soft, it takes a while for him to go back to being comfortable in his own skin after auditioning for acting roles. There are simply too many people looking at him, judging him for all of the things he loves most about himself. He’s too cute, too feminine, not muscular enough.

Whatever. It’s their loss, he tells himself as he clings to the way Joongi’s eyes trail down to his exposed thighs. Joongi gives him an exasperated smile that manages to be soft despite all of the sharp angles of his face. 

Drifting to the wine rack behind the table, Baekhyun calls back to ask which wine Joongi had in mind. He selects a pinot noir as requested purposefully bending down until the T-shirt rides up over his ass, then turns back around to find Joongi staring at him with raised eyebrows.

“You didn’t.”

Baekhyun gives him a cheeky grin and saunters back to the counter to grab the wine glasses. The plug in his ass makes walking a little uncomfortable, but it’s worth it for the incredulity on Joongi’s face.

“I did. Why waste all that effort you put into stretching me out earlier if you’re going to fuck me later?”

Carrying the plates to the table, Joongi shakes his head. “What if I’d wanted you on top?”

Keeping his smile as innocent as he can, Baekhyun says, “Then I’d fuck you with a plug up my ass.”

Joongi nearly drops the plates. “Fuck, Baekhyun. You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?”

A Joongi shocked enough to call Baekhyun by his actual name instead of any of a million endearments is a shocked Joongi indeed. Baekhyun’s grin only widens as he sets the wine glasses on the table (damp from being wiped down and smelling of bleach, he’s pleased to note).

Dinner is delicious. He makes sure to tell Joongi so repeatedly, because he holds back from eating himself sick on it. The plug in his ass is a constant reminder of their plans. It’s not enough to make him properly hard, but it is enough to keep how much he wants Joongi’s cock at the forefront of his mind. 

It means that after dinner, when Joongi pulls him down onto the chaise portion of the couch to _spoon_ , like he doesn’t have a damn plug in his ass, Baekhyun is mildly frustrated. 

Luckily, it only lasts a few minutes before Joongi’s fingers wander over Baekhyun’s hip. “Hyunnie, I have an idea.”

“Hmm?” Baekhyun asks. 

The fingers press up against the plug. “Can you hold my cock like this for a bit?”

With a shudder, Baekhyun nods before thinking twice and negotiating. “Okay, but only if we do it with no shirts on.”

Joongi wastes no time in getting rid of both of their shirts, followed by his own sweatpants. He pulls the plug gently out of Baekhyun’s ass and sets it aside, then makes to get up.

Baekhyun stops him. “I used a lot of lube when I put that in. It’s fine.”

There are a few slick sounds of Joongi working himself up to hardness behind Baekhyun, and then he’s sliding inside and pulling Baekhyun back against his chest, making Baekhyun gasp. 

He’d deliberately picked a plug smaller than Joongi’s cock so that he’d be able to feel some stretch, but at the time he’d been expecting the stretch would come when he was already desperate, when it would’ve made him harder. Instead it makes him feel pleasantly full and oddly lethargic. Used, but in a good way, like a tool set to its proper purpose.

It’s strangely intimate to lie together like this, without the direct goal of getting anyone off. He’s surrounded almost overwhelmingly by Joongi’s warm skin, can feel his heart beating and his warm dick stretching Baekhyun so much more naturally than the plug, even while their position has become more awkward to accommodate it.

“You’re so good to me, Byun Baekhyun,” Joongi says into his ear. “You feel wonderful.” 

He splays his hand on Baekhyun’s belly, somewhere between soothing and possessive, and Baekhyun’s mind starts to get fuzzy around the edges. Usually he’d be thinking about how it’s the other way around to an almost disturbing extent—Joongi is amazingly good to _Baekhyun_ —but Baekhyun just finds himself wanting to be good for Joongi. The best for Joongi. He lets himself bask in the warmth and spares his brain the task of thinking, for a moment that stretches on into several.

“Do you have plans tomorrow?” Joongi asks after a while, voice barely a murmur.

“Hmm?” It takes Baekhyun a moment to register the words. “No.”

“Good,” Joongi says. “Me neither.”

A little tremor runs through Baekhyun, because a mutual day free from plans generally means sex until Baekhyun can’t remember his own name.

They’re quiet for a long, long while. Joongi’s fingers pet through Baekhyun’s hair, taking him further into his mental fog. If he’s scratching the surface of subspace, he’s not at all concerned; Joongi never does anything Baekhyun doesn’t like, and his post-coital snuggles are the only kind of aftercare Baekhyun could need, even if it’s unintentional.

“Are you okay?” Joongi murmurs. “You’re so quiet.”

“’M okay,” Baekhyun says. On second thought, Joongi may never have dealt with someone in subspace before. He might panic if it settles in any farther. Baekhyun doesn’t have the focus to explain it right now, though, can barely keep the thoughts from drifting away out of his mind without being addressed. “D’you know what subspace is?”

“My youth was more adventurous than you might think,” Joongi says, kissing the back of his head. His fingers keep moving through Baekhyun’s hair. “Is that what this is? Do we need to stop?”

“Little bit,” Baekhyun mumbles. “Please please please don’t stop.”

Finally Joongi begins to move, circling his hips in small thrusts. Baekhyun almost wants to lie still and let Joongi use him, but his cock rapidly starts to harden anyway. He whines, gets another light kiss to the back of his head.

“You’re so good, Baek,” Joongi says. He grips Baekhyun’s hips tighter and starts to fuck harder. Baekhyun tips his head back on Joongi’s shoulder and lets little happy noises slide out of lips. 

The awkward angle eventually gets to Joongi, who pulls Baekhyun tight against him before sitting upright. 

“Can you turn around for me, babe?” He asks, stuffing a cushion behind his own back so that he can slouch down. 

Pulling himself off Joongi’s cock, Baekhyun whimpers at the empty feeling as he turns around to straddle Joongi’s lap. 

“Shit, Hyunnie,” Joongi says. He pulls Baekhyun in for a sweet kiss before guiding him back onto his cock. “You’re so pretty.”

With a groan, Baekhyun starts to ride. His brain is slow enough that he stares in confusion for a moment when Joongi holds a hand up in front of his face until he realizes he’s supposed to lick it.

He’s rewarded with a hand on his dick jerking him off while he rides. 

“Fuck,” he says, eloquently. His hips stutter, but he manages a few more bounces before he’s overwhelmed by sensation. Joongi takes a firm hold of his hips and fucks steadily up into him instead. 

Rather than take over the task of stroking his own cock, Baekhyun clings to Joongi’s shoulders and lets the sensations wash over him. Joongi’s current position as national heartthrob requires that he keep himself in good shape, which in turn means that he has fantastic muscles for dicking Baekhyun into a stupor even when Baekhyun isn’t already in one. Right now it feels like heaven.

“What do you need, babe?” Joongi asks, making Baekhyun whine at the thought of having to _speak_.

“Just like this, hyung,” Baekhyun says. He’s too afraid to add, _Just use me up like this. Call me a good boy._

Orgasm is creeping up on him, tensing the muscles in his thighs while Joongi keeps hammering up into him. It feels so, so good, and Baekhyun doesn’t think he’ll need a hand on his dick to come at all. He’s honestly relieved that half the thrusts don’t hit his prostate.

Grabbing Baekhyun’s ass, Joongi slams up harder, and Baekhyun wails a little mantra of, “Hyung, please, hyung, please.”

“That’s it, Baekhyun,” Joongi murmurs. “You’re doing good. So good.”

The praise is close enough to what Baekhyun needs that he shudders and loses it with a final, drawn out moan. When Joongi tries to pull out, Baekhyun clings harder to his shoulders. “Keep going, hyung. Please.”

“Fuck,” Joongi says, but he keeps bouncing Baekhyun’s limp body on his cock. Ignoring the mess on his stomach, Baekhyun revels in the slide of their bodies, the way Joongi’s muscles tense under his thighs, and the harsh breathing in his ear.

“Hyung, you feel good,” Baekhyun moans, and Joongi’s hips stutter for a moment. The concept of being hot enough to get _Lee Joongi_ off gives Baekhyun a high every time they fuck, even after nearly two years (and a lot of sex), but tonight it’s more than that. Baekhyun can’t put his finger on why. “So good.”

With another stutter, Joongi holds Baekhyun firmly on his lap and comes. Warmth spills up inside Baekhyun, making him feel both very proud and very well-fucked.

They sprawl on the couch for several minutes, Joongi lying on his back and pulling Baekhyun on top of him to kiss him senseless without worrying too much about Baekhyun leaking on the couch. Reaching behind himself, Baekhyun slips the tip of a finger into his own ass to feel the come there. The angle is wrong for getting any depth, but he can get just far enough to feel warm liquid.

He gives himself away when he moans happily, and Joongi breaks away from his mouth to see what he’s doing.

“Fuck, Hyunnie,” he says, when his eyes have trailed along Baekhyun’s arm to the inevitable conclusion. “What am I gonna do with you?”

When Baekhyun doesn’t respond with one of his usual snappy comebacks, Joongi gives him a sharp look. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Nodding, Baekhyun wipes his finger dry on his own hip before renewing his grasp on Joongi’s shoulders. “’m great. Just stay like this for a while?”

“Of course,” Joongi says.

 

In the morning, Baekhyun awakens to Joongi nudging him. “Will you be okay on your own for a bit? I’m gonna go work out.”

Nodding, Baekhyun stares at the ceiling as Joongi leaves and wonders why he wouldn’t be okay for a moment before he remembers. The thought has him sitting bolt upright in bed, grabbing his phone and dashing out to make sure the apartment is empty before he dials Kyungsoo.

“Is the world ending? You never call this early,” is Kyungsoo’s greeting.

“Fuck, Kyungsoo. It might be!” Baekhyun wails.

“What happened?”

“I went just a tiny bit down last night and freaked him out,” Baekhyun says.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says, like he really doesn’t get it at all. “Wait, how did Mr. Super Nice Vanilla Saint even put you anywhere close to subspace?”

As a condition of the relationship, Baekhyun hasn’t told a sole whole he’s been sleeping with. He should really make up a fake name for Joongi, but he enjoys Kyungsoo’s snarky nicknames too much to put an end to them.

“I’m not even sure he did it, or if I did it to myself?” Baekhyun is confused. “First he fingered me without lube, and then later he wanted me to keep his dick warm for him and kept saying nice things to me. I was really surprised and happy, and I just got more and more out of it. Like really happy, but I couldn’t think clearly.”

It wasn’t really proper subspace the way Baekhyun is familiar with it, but he’s felt something similar many times before he got there.

“Okay, and why is this a problem? Did he do something?” Kyungsoo asks, like he’s asking about a broken computer or something. Unperturbed. Baekhyun loves how easily Kyungsoo handles sex talk from platonic friends when anyone else would be plugging their ears and singing to avoid listening to the details.

“No!” Baekhyun protests. “But he was concerned, and he said we need to talk about it today.”

“That sounds like a healthy response,” Kyungsoo says.

“I mean, it is,” Baekhyun says. “But what do I say? What do I do if he asks about my past or if the sex we normally have is boring me or something?”

He can hear Kyungsoo’s eyes roll through the phone, he’s sure of it. “The truth is usually a good way to go.”

“What truth? That was a surprise event!”

This time, Kyungsoo sighs. “So tell him that. Or tell him that once upon a time you were into the BDSM scene, but his saintly dick has changed your mind about it. I don’t know.”

Trying to gather his thoughts is difficult. “It’s just…He seemed really worried, and I don’t know why. It’s freaking me out.”

“Then wait until you find out more and call me back,” Kyungsoo says, softening his tone. “You’ve been with him for freaking forever, I doubt he’s going to leave you over something like this.”

Baekhyun sighs.

“Do you need therapeutic League of Legends?” Kyungsoo asks. 

Kyungsoo may actually be the best friend anyone could ever have, Baekhyun thinks. Ten minutes later, his brain is empty of anything other than the game, tucked away in his little gaming corner of Joongi’s office, the one he’d dubiously moved up at Joongi’s assistance from the decoy apartment Joongi rents for Baekhyun on another floor of the building. 

It’s been more than a year since that happened, and Baekhyun is still waiting for Joongi to come to his senses and kick Baekhyun out for being too loud.

He’s not sure how much time has passed when he feels a tap on his head and looks up to see Joongi with hair still damp from his shower. With a quick apology to his team, Baekhyun logs off and takes off his headphones.

“Can we talk?” Joongi asks. 

Baekhyun nods, suddenly all too aware of how childish he probably looks with his feet propped on the edge of his chair. He drops them to the floor, but that just leaves him feeling tense and exposed, even in his giant hoody and jeans.

“First off, do I need to be worried about what happened last night?” Joongi asks, sitting down on the futon in the room. “Did I do anything wrong?” 

Shaking his head, Baekhyun tries to figure out what to say. “I don’t know why that happened, but it’s fine. It honestly felt really good. I hope it wasn’t annoying.”

Joongi smiles at him gently, but that doesn’t seem to be the end of the conversation. Alas. “Then another question. Are you really being honest with me when I ask what you want? You seem awfully familiar with subspace for someone who’s never mentioned any specific kinks to me.”

Oh, boy. This is a loaded question. Baekhyun hesitates. 

The truth is, he thinks he’s fairly honest with Joongi, all things considered. But as easy as it is to forget sometimes, there’s a power balance here. If Baekhyun upsets Joongi enough, he could be out on his ass. Potentially back to being a struggling singer with five roommates, if he can’t find another sugar daddy quickly. At twenty-six, that possibility looms closer every day. That means that he often holds back from saying what he really wants, for fear of losing this relationship.

Add in that Baekhyun being anything less than joyfully happy seems to upset Joongi, and he doesn’t know what to do. If he lies now and says that he’s being honest, there’s a chance Joongi will catch on and throw him out later.

The silence stretching out between them is more incriminating than anything Baekhyun _could_ say, so he sucks in a breath and starts in on what seems to be the best course of action. 

“Mostly honest?” It comes out as a squeak, but it’s out there. “I’m familiar with subspace because I used to be into BDSM. I didn’t bring it up because you don’t come across as interested in it, and I don’t care enough about it to push for it if you don’t want to.” 

It’s impossible for Baekhyun to read Joongi’s expression. He sighs and rubs a hand down his face before he responds with, “Maybe that wasn’t the right question. All I really want is to make sure that you’re happy, Baekhyun-ah. You’ve given me a lot.”

“I’m happy,” Baekhyun says. “Really, really happy. You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met, and most of the time I’m really confused about how I got here to begin with.”

Why Baekhyun’s happiness with their sex life should be a concern for Joongi when he’s really paying for the sex by paying _all of Baekhyun’s living expenses, plus all kinds of gifts_ is a mystery for Baekhyun. He’s coming to accept that Joongi either really likes Baekhyun, or he really wants everyone around him to be happy. Maybe both.

“So if I called your friend Kyungsoo and asked what your complaints are about me, what would he say?”

Baekhyun snorts. “Assuming he was that much of a traitor, he’d tell you that my only complaint is that you don’t let me suck your dick often enough.”

Then he’d ask what the deal was with Joongi, and why a rich, beautiful, super nice man is paying _Byun Baekhyun_ to be in a relationship with him.

Joongi raises his eyebrows. “Really?”

Finally back in his element, Baekhyun grins. “What? I really like having things in my mouth. I can’t believe you haven’t noticed.”

Returning the grin, Joongi tousles his hair and kisses him. “I’ve definitely noticed.”

That ends the conversation, and they spend the rest of the morning on the couch watching movies. Despite his relief at a possible crisis averted, though, Baekhyun can’t shake the feeling that a larger storm is on the horizon, waiting to swallow them up.

Stretching on top of Joongi’s stomach, his hips nestled between Joongi’s legs, Baekhyun kisses him long and sweet. He practically purrs when Joongi pulls him closer in response.

They break apart for a moment, and Baekhyun smiles up at Joongi. The soft, affectionate smile he receives in return says everything their earlier conversation hadn’t, about what’s really going wrong. Baekhyun knows that his failure to ask for what he wants is just a byproduct of the larger issue, but he doesn’t know how to address that topic without bringing on the fate he wants to avoid.

Rather than mess with that, Baekhyun grins again.

“About what I sad about blowjobs…”

He trails off, biting his lip and looking up through his lashes, and Joongi laughs and ruffles his hair. “Insatiable.”

Joongi gives him a series of indulgent little kisses that don’t seem to be leading to Baekhyun getting a dick in his mouth anytime soon, but he figures they have all day. Kissing is the next best thing to cock sucking anyway, in his opinion. It keeps his mouth occupied and makes him feel adored. 

He’s cozy like this, in his little nest of Joongi, with a steady heartbeat thumping against his chest, so he relaxes into it. He’s boneless and warm when Joongi pauses again.

“I’m curious, though. What did I do, last night?”

Snorting, Baekhyun opens his eyes and considers. There was the part where he stripped Baekhyun naked and got him off _on the kitchen table_ , which was, on some level, actually a little humiliating. There was the surprise roughness of being fingered without lube, and then Baekhyun eating dinner with a plug up his ass (his own fault, really), and it ended with him being used to keep Joongi’s cock warm.

But really, it wasn’t any of those things. He hadn’t felt humiliated, because Joongi is indulgent and supportive to Baekhyun’s incorrigible. When it comes to sex with Joongi, all Baekhyun ever feels is safe.

“Do you ever realize how strange this is for me?” Baekhyun asks. Joongi’s heart speeds up a little beneath him, so he tries to get the words out quickly. “I go to audition after audition only to hear that I’m too pudgy, or too effeminate, or something else undesirable.”

“You’re not—“ Joongi starts, but Baekhyun puts a finger on his lips to shush him. 

With a smile, he continues, “And after all of that, I come home to _you._ You’re successful, attractive, probably get twenty marriage proposals a day, and pretty much the nicest guy ever. And for some reason you want me. You cook food for me and sing Twice songs to cheer me up and treat me like I’m as adorable as a corgi puppy or something. I can’t help it if I’m star-stricken, even after however long we’ve been doing this.”

Below him, Joongi appears to be blushing. Baekhyun isn’t sure where on earth this man came from. Maybe not even earth. Maybe Pluto.

Wherever he’s from, Baekhyun is glad he seems embarrassed more than upset. With the amount of effort he puts into making theirs a normal, even relationship, he could just as easily be bothered that Baekhyun still puts him on a pedestal.

“When you’re like that,” Baekhyun continues. “I feel like I’m taking from you left and right, and you never let me give back. It gets to where all I can focus on sometimes is how much I want to make you feel good. So when you held me like that and told me how good it felt, I felt useful. And feeling like I was of use to you made me happy.”

Joongi is silent for a long moment. He strokes Baekhyun’s cheek with his thumb. 

“I see,” he says finally. “I think I see, anyway. That’s not so worrying.”

Nibbling on Joongi’s thumb and licking it like a puppy just to see his reaction, Baekhyun smiles again. “Sorry. It’s a little weird.”

“It’s very you, is what it is.” Joongi smiles. “And probably something I could work with, if you want me too.”

Baekhyun groans and buries his face in Joongi’s chest. “Why are you so _nice_?”

Joongi laughs. “I’m sorry? I guess?”

“Maybe someday,” Baekhyun says. He needs more time to think things through properly. “Not today, though.”

“Not today,” Joongi agrees. 

That decided, Baekhyun plants little kisses all over Joongi’s neck until he’s rewarded with Joongi pulling him up and rocking against him. Baekhyun rolls his hips down for a few minutes until Joongi suggests that even Baekhyun is too old for dry humping through pants and slips a hand under Baekhyun’s waistband. Under the guise of helping Joongi get his pants off, Baekhyun slips down onto the floor and looks up at Joongi expectantly.

Joongi guffaws. “You’re really determined, aren’t you?”

“What?” Baekhyun pouts. “You said you wanted me to be honest about what I want, and what I want is your dick in my mouth. We’ve been over this.”

Scooting over to bracket Baekhyun’s shoulders with his knees, Joongi cups his face with a hand. “I’m not protesting, Baekhyunnie.”

With a cheerful grin, Baekhyun locks eyes with Joongi and licks a fat, slow stripe up the underside of his shaft, eliciting a curse from Joongi. Baekhyun tips his head down then, breaking eye contact in favor of wrapping his lips around the head. He teases there for a moment, wraps his fingers delicately around the base to show off how long they are.

Hollowing his cheeks, he tongues the slit while he shuts his eyes and focuses on relaxing his throat before cautiously bobbing his head. He’s a little out of practice, because it’s been something like _a whole month_ since he got to do this properly, so his throat protests more than usual as he eases down. He keeps it shallow at first to adjust, listening to Joongi’s harsh breathing and the wet noises coming from his own mouth. His cock swells in his pants, but he ignores it.

“Shit, Hyunnie,” Joongi says, feathering a hand through his hair. “You do look good down there.”

If his mouth weren’t blissfully full, Baekhyun might give a retort along the lines of _obviously_ , but he’s reluctant to pull off Joongi’s dick to speak, in case Joongi manages to change his mind about this. He chooses to make his point instead by easing Joongi’s cock down his throat until his nose meets pubic hair. Of course he looks good down here. He’s practically a professional.

To be fair, it’s not all Joongi’s fault that it’s been a month. His work schedule had kept him too busy for much more than sleepy make out sessions and the occasional quick fuck for most of said month. This is the first day Joongi’s even had the energy to cook.

Above him, Joongi moans. Baekhyun pulls slowly off and then pushes back down again, staying put as long as he can this time and slipping his tongue out to lap at what he can reach of Joongi’s balls while he’s there. He keeps his rhythm slow as he starts going back and forth, knowing it’ll take a while to reach the end and that Joongi won’t fuck his mouth if he gets tired. Maybe they’ll work up to that, too, in the future.

Palming himself through his sweats to keep his mind from drifting to the truth about their future, Baekhyun speeds up a little. A bitter drop of precome on his tongue helps him pull his attention back where it belongs, so he savors the taste as he swallows, wondering how so many people love coffee but hate this. Both have vile flavors, but at least this one comes with the knowledge that he’s making someone feel good.

Joongi interrupts his ministrations several minutes later, using his grip on Baekhyun’s hair to pull him off. “If you want to go farther, now’s the time to stop.”

Looking up, Baekhyun runs his tongue along his lips, knowing they’re damp and swollen and even redder than usual. 

“What I want, hyung, is your come in my mouth.”

“Are you sure?” Joongi asks, gasping as Baekhyun flicks his tongue out for a little lick without breaking eye contact. “You know I’ll be a while if I come now, right?”

Joongi’s longer refractory period bothers him far more than it bothers Baekhyun. 

“I don’t care if we don’t fuck today,” Baekhyun says. He isn’t that insatiable, really. He goes back to sucking in earnest, speeding up with the knowledge that the end is close and shoving his hand into his pants to get himself off at the same pace.

Joongi’s come brings Baekhyun right up to the edge when it floods his mouth in warm spurts, but he holds it off with a firm grip at the base of his dick. He needs to wait for Joongi to come down if he wants to emphasize just how much he enjoys all of this, and he does. Only when Joongi has recovered enough to look at him with clear eyes does Baekhyun resume stroking himself, opening his mouth to show off the mess inside before swallowing it down. He spills into his pants as he does, with a belated groan when he finishes swallowing. 

 

 

The callback comes as a complete surprise, when it does. He’d known he had a chance, because the director had sought him out after seeing his work in _Moon Lovers,_ but it wouldn’t have been the first time he’d been scouted to audition for a role and then lost it.

It’s his first major offer since that drama, the role another sweet boy with a crush on a leading lady far out of his league. He’ll be playing third-rate competitor to Lee Jongsuk and Song Joongki instead of Joongi and Kang Haneul this time. Much of the filming will take place on location in Jeju, where the heroine, played by Lee Jieun, takes a job bartending to escape her busy life in Seoul and reevaluate her life goals after she’s dumped by the man of her dreams.

He gathers all of this information in a numb state, not really processing it properly. Joongi is away at a variety show taping to promote the movie he’s been filming lately, the one he’ll probably win ten awards for, and he won’t be home until the wee hours of the morning. If the show finishes before everyone is bone tired, they’ll go out for drinks afterward.

Texting him about it feels all too much like texting a breakup, so Baekhyun stays mum. He tries to play games online for a while, but he feels guilty after he pisses off his teammates with his distraction one too many times. He settles for hammering out his tension on the piano instead while he thinks.

There’s no question about accepting the role, but the excitement keeps fading out to panic. 

This will almost certainly be the end of his relationship with Joongi. Joongi is fond enough of Baekhyun that he might stick around as a mentor, but that’s all he can expect. There’s no point in having a kept man who isn’t available for days or weeks at a time when Joongi could have anyone he wanted.

A congratulatory text from Kyungsoo comes with an offer of barbecue with the boys, paid for by the ones with decent jobs, and Baekhyun goes just so that he doesn’t have to explain why he doesn’t feel like celebrating.

He gets himself drunk very quickly on cheap soju, plastering on a wooden smile and pretending to be himself as the buzz kicks in, but it’s hard. He picks at his food like it’s made of chalk.

Chanyeol thumps him on the back when he notices. “Baekhyun-ah, why do you look like your dog just died? This is good! A recurring speaking role! Your character has a _name_ for once!”

Then he starts force-feeding Baekhyun meat while Jongdae cheers him on, both oblivious to the risk of Baekhyun vomiting it all back up. Neither of them knows much about Baekhyun’s relationship, except that he has a mysterious older gentleman paying his living costs in exchange for a relationship, but he’d hoped they’d at least make the connection that his living situation has become more precarious, all of a sudden.

Somehow Kyungsoo’s sympathetic faces from across the table just make it all worse, although he kindly stays mum when Baekhyun demands more soju, just pours out another glass, and then another, until Baekhyun is pleasantly numb and capable of making a ruckus with everyone else.

He’s still plastered when they all leave, and Kyungsoo has to help him walk. 

“We cn use th’ fake apartment,” Baekhyun protests when Kyungsoo directs their stumbling toward his officetel. There’s no rule against Baekhyun’s friends visiting the decoy apartment, and he doesn’t really want to be far from home right now, somehow. It won’t be home much longer.

“I don’t know the apartment number,” Kyungsoo says. “Because you’ve never invited me.”

“It’s 523,” Baekhyun says.

“I’d believe you if you were sober.”

“Unnnnnfair,” Baekhyun whines.

Kyungsoo forces a glass of water on him when they get inside, tells him to drink it all before bed. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks, when Baekhyun is halfway through the glass of water.

Baekhyun shakes his head, but then he opens his mouth anyway. “I don’t want it to end. I like him too much.”

Sighing, Kyungsoo wraps him in a warm hug. “Have you told him that?”

“No,” Baekhyun says, clinging. For someone so tiny and sarcastic, Kyungsoo is shockingly talented at hugging. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t tell him that he should tell Joongi, because Kyungsoo knows that he knows he should. They fall silent for a while, eventually breaking apart to shower, because Kyungsoo doesn’t allow anyone to sleep in his bed after barbecue without a shower.

He dreams about a beeping alarm that he keeps shutting off, even though he knows it’s telling him he’s too late to catch the bus to Joongi’s house (which is Buckingham Palace in this dream). He wakes to his phone ringing in the wee hours of the morning, then later to an empty bed and Kyungsoo’s voice, soft and polite.

“Yes, he’s at my place. He mentioned that you were going to be out late, so I took him here to make sure he didn’t drown in his own vomit.”

“Yessir. I will be sure to return him to you in the morning, in the condition in which he was lent to me. Minus a few brain cells, maybe. I’m not sure he had any to begin with. Oh, but let me give you my number in case you need anything.”

Baekhyun clings to Kyungsoo when he comes back to the bed, following his semi-conscious brain’s belief that he should warm Kyungsoo back up after he left the bed to deal with Baekhyun’s boyfriend.

“You’re the sweetest asshole ever, babe,” he mumbles. Kyungsoo smacks his ass in response.

 

 

It’s hardly still morning when Baekhyun gets home, but Joongi is still in bed. Stripping down to his underclothes, Baekhyun slips under the covers and snuggles up with his head under Joongi’s chin. An arm drapes over his back and pulls him closer, up against Joongi’s warm body. 

The chilly weather outside has left him too awake to sleep, so he entertains himself by pressing his cold nose against the skin of Joongi’s neck and snickering at Joongi’s unconscious whines each time he does. Joongi’s neck smells like his soap, some pleasant mix of herbs that Baekhyun has come to love. He wonders if he can get away with stealing a bar from the cabinet, so that at least he can smell Joongi when all of this is over. Maybe he’ll use some of his savings from pawning off gifts from his prior sugar daddies to stock up on it.

Eventually Joongi groans and smacks Baekhyun’s hip lightly. “Hyunnie, let me tell you about this thing old people get. It’s called a _hangover_.”

His scratchy morning voice makes Baekhyun smile.

“Young people get those too, you know,” Baekhyun teases. His own had been mild, thanks to Kyungsoo’s insistence on proper hydration before they slept, but it’s not like he’s never had a bad one before.

Joongi snorts. “I’m gonna write that down and read it back to you when you have a hangover ten years from now, and you’ll laugh at how young and naïve you were.”

The mention of the future scratches off the last bit of Baekhyun’s veneer of happiness. He sighs against Joongi’s neck.

“I heard from Jieunnie that you got some good news yesterday,” Joongi says.

“Jieunnie?” Baekhyun asks, trying to put together why Joongi would have heard things from Jieun.

“She’s in the movie I just filmed, silly.” 

Oh, right. If nothing else, it will be nice to work with Jieun again. They’d gotten along well enough during _Moon Lovers_.

Joongi’s fingers walk down the curve of Baekhyun’s ass. “Are you going to leave me for Song Joongki?”

 _Fuck you,_ Baekhyun says in his head. Out loud, he keeps his face buried in Joongi’s chest to hide his frown and forces himself to say, “I mean, Song Joongki is fucking hot.”

“Hey,” Joongi says. “Are you saying I’m not hot?”

“Not hot in general? No. Not as hot as Song Joongki, on the other hand…”

With an offended grunt, Joongi detaches himself from Baekhyun and sits up. “How would you like to celebrate?”

Baekhyun flops onto his back and looks up at him. “By not leaving this bed all day.”

He pats the bed and pouts for emphasis, making Joongi laugh. “Fine, but let me take a painkiller first.”

“Drink water too, hyung,” Baekhyun says. “Kyungsoo’s orders.”

After planting a solid kiss to the crown of Baekhyun’s head, Joongi gets out of bed. He tosses a rueful grin over his shoulder. “He told you I called?”

“Five times, he said, before he answered.”

“Sorry. I was really drunk.”

“No shit. He also says he doesn’t apologize for answering the call, because you interrupted his beauty sleep, but that he promises he still has no idea who you are.”

Knowing Kyungsoo, Baekhyun wouldn’t be surprised if he’d figured out Joongi’s identity within a week of Baekhyun mentioning the unusual offer he’d gotten during _Moon Lovers_ filming. Fortunately, Kyungsoo isn’t into ruining people’s lives.

Joongi’s laugh echoes from the bathroom. “I hope I get to meet Kyungsoo someday.”

More unlikely future talk. It’s possible that the only way he’s going to get any peace today is to keep both of their minds constantly on sex, Baekhyun thinks. To that end, he shoves his underpants off and kicks them away under the blankets with his feet. Then he wets his fingers with his mouth and wastes no time pushing one inside himself.

When Joongi comes back in, he raises an eyebrow and leans against the doorframe, looking altogether too dashing in his plain T-shirt and boxers and bedhead. 

It’s too cold for Baekhyun to pull the blankets off, but he knows it’s still obvious what he’s doing when his knees are drawn up and spread under the blankets.

“You don’t need me at all, do you?” Joongi says. 

Baekhyun pouts.

“Technically, I don’t,” he pants. “But I swear to God if you leave me to get off with just my own fingers I will never, ever fuck you again.”

“Is that so?” Joongi slinks toward the bed and slips in. “What if I get you off with just _my_ fingers?”

Whining, Baekhyun slings a leg over Joongi’s hip. “That’s acceptable if you promise I’ll get more later.”

Joongi grins, lubing his fingers and sliding one in next to Baekhyun’s. “That can be arranged.”

Baekhyun can’t find any fault with Joongi’s follow-through when he works Baekhyun into a whining mess with fingers on his prostate and then rocks into his oversensitive body gently until he’s hard again. 

 

 

The tiny private room Baekhyun is escorted into at the back of a restaurant weeks later is windowless and claustrophobic. It’s clearly intended to be romantic, with candles dancing in sconces on the wall and a solid wood table with just two chairs, but Baekhyun feels more like he’s in an interrogation room as he sits and waits for his company to arrive.

It’s rare for Joongi and Baekhyun to do things together outside the apartment, to the point that sometimes Baekhyun feels like he’s in a fantasy story where he has a lover who only exists at home. The story would probably end with Kyungsoo walking in to see him speaking to thin air and carting him off to be locked in a padded cell.

 _If that were the case, you’d be sitting in that room naked right now. I bet you’re not wearing a single thing he didn’t buy for you_ , Kyungsoo texts back when Baekhyun gets bored and texts him the idea. 

Baekhyun snorts and looks down at himself. His Boglioli suit is certainly nothing he could afford on his own income. Nor are the watch he’s wearing, or the shoes. He could probably afford the shirt and the socks, at least, but only if he wanted to walk around town in nothing but a shirt and socks.

The text he’d received earlier to wear this outfit and take a cab to this restaurant had turned him on, briefly, with thoughts of Joongi stripping him back out of the suit later, until it hit him that it’s two days before filming starts. It’s well past time to have the talk they haven’t had yet, so he knows it’s coming. The fact that they’re meeting in the restaurant where this arrangement began only adds to his certainty.

 _Not true. I bought the underpants._ He texts Kyungsoo back just to calm his nerves. 

Finally the door opens, and Joongi ducks inside, giving Baekhyun a quick peck before he sits down. He’s overwhelming in his black suit, sitting at the table and asking Baekhyun about his day, like he’s not about to leave Baekhyun in the cold with whatever his idea of a severance package is. If that even occurs to him. 

The thing with Joongi is that he doesn’t habitually do what he’s doing with Baekhyun, so he occasionally makes missteps. Like developing feelings he shouldn’t really have. Hopefully he’ll learn after this, Baekhyun thinks, so that he won’t be so hurt by the next one.

It makes him sad, to think of Joongi frosted over like his previous two sugar daddies, both of whom had Baekhyun convinced that all of the apparently successful men in the world were really lifeless carcasses. They’d show off their wealth to validate all of the horrendous sacrifices they’d made to obtain it, because admitting they didn’t want it as much as they’d thought would mean admitting that there was no reason to keep going. 

From the start, Joongi had shocked Baekhyun with the sincere joy he took from everyday life. In retrospect, it might be because he was younger than the other two, but Baekhyun thinks it’s more than that. Joongi is someone who understands how to appreciate the good, who manages to think he’s been blessed with his luck in life when he could just as easily be chafing at the way all the fans who love him would disappear if they knew who he’s been fucking.

Baekhyun watches him hide his nervousness as the waiter brings them wine. That much makes him laugh, because he suddenly remembers the shake in Joongi’s hand as he’d raised his glass for a toast two years ago at this same table. At the time, Baekhyun had been too preoccupied with this strange turn of events in his own life to properly process that the star of the drama he was acting in was nervous, but he’d caught on later.

“To good news?” Joongi asks, raising his glass. It trembles just a tiny bit. Baekhyun clinks his against it and manages a smile.

“You look as nervous as you were the first time we came here, hyung,” he says. 

“You noticed?” Joongi asks, laughing. That, at least, doesn’t seem forced.

Baekhyun shakes his head. “It took a while before I realized it was nerves I was seeing.”

Joongi had hardly waited for the appetizer to arrive before he’d gotten to the point, shocking Baekhyun with the sudden disappearance of his usual confidence.

_”Remember how you said you were looking for a new…um, ‘sugar daddy’ I think is what you called it?”_

_Baekhyun nearly choked on his wine but nodded, blushing. The information had slipped from his mouth at a drunken_ Moon Lovers _cast party, when Joongi had fingered the Chaumet watch gifted to Baekhyun by the sugar daddy who’d just dumped him, asking if it had been a gift._

_“Can I make an offer?” Joongi asked, and then Baekhyun did choke on his wine._

The unusual terms, namely that Baekhyun would live in an apartment in Joongi’s building to reduce the risk of paparazzi and fans catching on, had made him nervous even then, but not nervous enough to turn down the offer.

Now he almost wishes he had. It hadn’t bothered him much to say goodbye when the replationships with men who just wanted to take give him gifts or money in exchange for dates and take him home at the end of the day ended. In the last few weeks, though, he’s realized just how much of his life he’s given Joongi. They’ve lived together, gone exclusive because Joongi couldn’t afford to see anyone else and Baekhyun was sick of condoms, shared nearly all of their joys and pains.

Dinner is an awkward, wooden affair. Baekhyun is too anxious to keep a conversation going, and Joongi is having unusual difficulty with words. Even so, Baekhyun finds himself chewing his entree as slowly as he can until he has to give up the ghost. 

Plates are cleared, and dessert comes out like a death sentence. The little crème brulee set on the table before him is the most ominous crème brulee he’s ever seen, but Joongi is still attempting to talk about a cat video he saw on the internet. It’s incongruous.

As Baekhyun taps on the burnt sugar with his spoon, Joongi breaks off in the middle of his story and sighs.

“Baekhyun-ah,” he says. “We need to talk.”

Baekhyun looks up to see Joongi watching him. His hands are under the table. All Baekhyun can do is nod.

Joongi stares at him for a moment, opens his mouth like he’s going to speak before closing it again and covering his face with his hands. “Argh. I swear I planned out what to say, but now it sounds dumb.”

After a moment, he starts again. “There’s something I want you to think about, while you’re working on this drama.”

He sets a small, square box and a little locking notepad on the table. The notepad is a gunmetal gray and devoid of the type of decoration Baekhyun would expect on a notepad with a lock, given that he associates the concept with young girls’ journals. His confusion over that pales in comparison to his confusion over the box, however, whose burden is obvious from its shape.

Joongi keeps talking. “The truth is, back during _Moon Lovers_ filming I had a giant crush on you.”

Nodding, Baekhyun stifles an unattractive snort. He’d been aware of that, courtesy of many, many posts on online forums from viewers who’d already noticed. 

“Don’t laugh at me, you brat,” Joongi says. “I know it was obvious. That time I asked about your watch, I was fishing to find out if you were seeing someone before I asked you out. And I should probably have stuck with that plan, because now I’m stuck in a weird situation.

“I love you, Baekhyun, or at least I love the person you are around me. But I’m never quite sure if you’re just putting on an act for me, and I don’t know how you really feel about me. It’s weird, and it makes me nervous.”

Here is where Baekhyun should be jumping with joy or protesting his innocence, but he’s pretty sure there’s no floor under him right now. 

“I’ve been trying to figure out how to ask you to make this a real relationship with me for months, now. I can’t seem to find the right way to do it, but it turns out that it hurts to be in love with someone who might not really exist.

“So, assuming you’re interested at all, I want you to think about me, while you’re filming. I want you to think about being in an actual relationship with me, because I don’t know how much you’ve thought about that. I want you to take note of any concerns you have in this notebook. When you’re ready, we can talk about it.”

Baekhyun remains speechless, looking back and forth between Joongi and the items on the table. He can see Joongi’s face start to shift from nerves into the fake calm of someone trying to hide disappointment, but he can’t talk.

“But one more thing, Baekhyun,” Joongi says, after a moment. “If you’re not interested at all, please just tell me now. I’ll give you whatever you need to get settled, but I can’t handle things the way they are now any longer.”

“Hyung,” Baekhyun reaches across the table to put his hand over Joongi’s. “You’re right that I need to think about it, but I promise it’s not that. I like you a lot.”

Joongi’s shoulders drop in a sudden, relieved sigh, and he slumps against his chair. “Think about it hard, though, Hyunnie. I won’t be hurt if you change your mind. You know a relationship with me is always going to have a lot of constraints.”

 

 

Baekhyun does think about it, all through filming. Jeju is beautiful, if chilly and rainy. The other actors are nice, and Jieun makes for a great noraebang partner, even if she has to be snuck inside for fear that dating rumors would kill her popularity.

It takes a week for Baekhyun to open the ring box, holed up in his hotel room on a rainy afternoon when they don’t need him. He’s felt awful leaving it tucked away in his suitcase, but the thought of opening it is terrifying.

Inside is a plain silver band that fits his ring finger perfectly when he slips it on. He holds it up to the light from the window for a moment, wondering, then digs a necklace out of his bag and replaces the pendant with the ring. Wearing it properly feels almost as wrong as leaving it in the suitcase, when he hasn’t yet answered Joongi properly.

Dialing Kyungsoo, Baekhyun finally relates the story to him, in a soft voice because the hotel’s walls are thin. Kyungsoo listens quietly until the end.

“What are you going to do?” He asks, when Baekhyun trails off.

Baekhyun sighs. “I don’t know.”

“It’s a lot to think about. Can you live the rest of your life like you have been since this started?”

Can he? It’s one of the things that’s been getting to Baekhyun for two years now. The difficulties Joongi faces being famous would be hard enough even if he were straight, and they’re triply hard because he’s not. Living under the constraints of Joongi’s fame has been hard, but he thinks it’s worth it to have Joongi himself.

To add to that, Baekhyun has always wanted fame for himself. If he ever manages it, it’ll only constrain their relationship further. 

“Are you sure you want that kind of fame, anyway?” Kyungsoo asks, when Baekhyun’s word vomit pauses for a moment.

“It’s what I’ve always wanted, isn’t it?”

Kyungsoo snorts, “Okay, a) nobody should be forced to stick to what they wanted when they were in college, b) you were a voice major, not an acting major, and c) I thought your only goal in life was to avoid ‘dying a slow death in a boring office job.’”

“Ugh,” Baekhyun says. “From now on, all friends have expiration dates so they can’t throw things I’ve said back in my face like eight years after I said them.”

“I’ve been wondering, though, Baekhyun. Aside from the angst about failed auditions, you’ve seemed pretty happy with your life since you met Joongi. Would it be such a bad thing to ditch your career and stay with him?”

Baekhyun takes a walk along the coast to chew things over. It’s something he can still get away with easily, even on days when it isn’t frigid and rainy like today. Few people recognize him from his handful of roles, especially now that _Moon Lovers_ has faded into the background of public consciousness. 

Joongi, Jieun, and Song Joongki aren’t so lucky. 

Back at the hotel, Baekhyun starts in on the notebook for Joongi:

_I can’t keep hiding you from my family and close friends. (The friends are calling you Zorro now, you know.)_

Picking up the ever-present pad of paper provided by the hotel, he follows some advice from Kyungsoo. On one sheet he writes out possible directions his life could take, and on another all of the things he considers necessary for his happiness.

His life courses sheet ends up with: __

_1\. Stay with Zorro. Try to balance two full careers and still see each other._  
_2\. Stay with Zorro. Keep up with singing gigs but give up other things._  
_3\. Leave Zorro. Career goals stay the same._

His happiness sheet ends up with: __

 _1\. Singing_  
_2\. Zorro_  
_3\. Family_  
_4\. Kyungsoo_  
_5\. Friends who are not Kyungsoo_  
_6\. Video games_  
_7\. Freedom_  
_8\. Stabilit_ y  
  
He snaps pictures of the two sheets and texts them to Kyungsoo with an added _I can’t believe you’re calling him Zorro now._

He tries to match up the things he wants to the different life courses, laughing when Kyungsoo texts back, _I can’t believe “delicious food” isn’t on your list._

Finally, he starts writing pros and cons on the different sheets. Option Two has nearly all of them, assuming ‘Zorro’ is okay with a financially dependent Baekhyun for the rest of his life. On the other hand, if they break up far enough down the road, Baekhyun may have trouble finding a job to make ends meet after a long period without full-time employment. 

Option One would impinge upon nearly all of his options, he realizes. He’d be able to sing, hopefully, but the rest is a mess. After a week, he’s starting to realize how difficult it is to balance calls home to his parents and calls home to Joongi. There are days when filming takes so long he doesn’t have time to play games, and the concept of freedom is a joke, especially if he were ever to gain even an ounce of popularity. At least financial stability would be present, unless his relationship got too strained to continue.

Option Three has a lot of the struggles of Option One, and it doesn’t have Joongi. That doesn’t sound very fun.

Baekhyun frowns at his papers and then texts Kyungsoo, _Fuck you and your analytical ways. My life cannot be reduced to five sheets of notepad paper._

Kyungsoo texts back with nothing but an eye-rolling emoji.

 

 

Filming takes both forever and no time at all, and then Baekhyun is knocking on the door of a familiar apartment to give warning before he unlocks it. He hasn’t been here since filming started to avoid upsetting Joongi, and now it feels weird to just walk in.

Everything is just how he left it. Joongi looks up when he walks in, his tension evident from how he doesn’t get up to help with Baekhyun’s bag or make him tea or ask about his trip. 

Dropping his bag on the floor by the coat closet, Baekhyun walks over to hand Joongi his notebook, along with the little key to open it. He curls up on the opposite corner of the couch to wait while Joongi reads it, fingering the ring in his pocket nervously. He’d received a similar list from Joongi via email before he boarded the plane home and read it all on the flight.

Joongi reads through the entire notebook. It takes long enough that Baekhyun starts to regret some of the more inane comments he’d thrown in, like, _Weekly Twice dance sessions are a must. If you’re out of town, they shall be expected via Skype._ They make Joongi’s eyes curl up happily while he reads, though, so Baekhyun supposes it’s for the best. 

He’s biting his lip when Joongi finally gets to the end, heart flopping around like fish out of water. Setting the notebook gently on the coffee table, Joongi turns to him and smiles.

“I can work with those,” he says. 

“I can work with these, too,” Baekhyun says, waving his phone to imply the email from earlier. “Now, about this ring.”

With a pout and a glare, Baekhyun pulls the object in question out of his pocket, tamping down the urge to laugh at Joongi’s wide eyes.

“You’re supposed to put it on my finger yourself, silly.”

Watching Joongi’s face melt from stricken to amused was worth the mean joke, Baekhyun decides. It’s even more worth it when Joongi slips the ring onto Baekhyun’s finger and kisses him soundly.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I love comments, even if I'm bad at replying to them. I also have an [ask.fm](http://ask.fm/oyakodon) if you have questions or want to say hi. I wrote this in a bit of a rush, so any vague bits were probably unintended.


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